Moving Again

As you know I moved earlier in the year to this new apartment in Detroit. I am going to moving again in March. There are pros and cons to moving to yet another new apartment.

The pros is I’ll have my own room so I can work on my music more than usual because here I don’t have a room so I would have to silence both my parents when I want to record. I’ll also be moving closer to places that bring in people for their first jobs. Which mean I can buy official music recording gear and not record with my phone. I also can turn my room into my own little studio and I’ll have more privacy. I’ll be able to record more music videos because I’ll have more area than in this tiny one room apartment I’ve been recording in. I’ll be getting a new bed and new furniture. I’ll be closer to my favorite coffee place, Tim Hortons. I’ll also be living closer to one of my favorite parts of the city.

The Cons are, once again I have to pick everything up and move once again. I’ll live farther away from downtown, which is where most of my shows would be. I’ll have to deal with getting to know people in the new apartment building. Which if you guys are usual readers, you’ll know I have severe anxiety so it’ll cause me a lot of anxiety and depression. I’ll be alone more. I get lonely easy but moving again means everyone has to leave earlier for their jobs leaving me alone for longer than usual. I have a lot of internet friends who I can text whenever, but I am not always 100% honest about my feelings with them. I’m never really 100% honest about my feeling with anyone.

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An Open Letter to the Companies that Make Women’s Clothing

Dear Companies that make women’s clothes,

I’m Morgan, I’m an everyday 17 year old girl. I like clothes, I really do. They give me a way I can change the way my gender is perceived. I wear jeans a baggy band shirt, a flannel and hoodie, I sometimes get perceived as. I dress in a shorts and tighter shirts, I am obviously a girl, but as a girl, I find women’s clothing very limiting. You’re going to see why in the following paragraphs, I just needed to show you that I’m an everyday person making these complaints. So you can’t shove me off as an “oversensitive” feminist. Or a Social Justice Warrior just trying to start something on the internet, I would like to see some real change.

There is no reason to make women’s pockets stupidly small. I can’t fit my phone or wallet in my pockets. As a 17 year old girl who isn’t into purses, bags, or anything of that sort, I have to shop in the men’s isle. Which as a 5 foot girl, it is basically impossible to find men’s jeans that fight my waist, and my height. I don’t like, dress, or skirts, because as a musician, I don’t need every person in the front row looking up my skirt. I do wear women’s jeans just because I can’t find men’s jeans that fit. I have lost a lot of personal property because of those jeans. I used to carry around one of those really tiny notebooks that you can get at the dollar store in packs of three because I thought it would be useful to write lyrics when I’m walking around, or riding my bike, or on the bus, without having to carry a purse. I lost a lot of those thanks to women jeans. Pieces of paper, lost countless song lyrics I had in my pocket because I had them scribbled down on a napkin. So that’d be a nice change. I’m not saying all women want that, not all women want the same thing. I do think that there is enough women who do want proper pockets.

Can you add some depth to the fabric of our clothes please! I need a bra, a tank top, a shirt, and a hoodie, just to stay somewhat warm. Again like what I stated, I know not all women are into the same kind of clothing and that’s fine; but it shouldn’t be just thin clothes, I don’t want to wear a bunch of layers just too feel somewhat warm. I’d like to wear a T-Shirt without worrying my bra is showing through it. Again, I do often find myself shopping in men’s clothes, but I shouldn’t have to shop in the men’s section to find clothes I like. My mom is a very active woman, and she was looking for yoga pants. She had to go to the men’s isle because you can’t run in those thin things in the middle of winter. Believe it or not, I don’t want someone staring at my butt while I’m working out. I don’t want to have to deal with underwear lines when I pick the unfortunate day to wear boxer briefs, or any kind of underwear.

Your sizing tactics are bull! I can try on 5 different pairs of my size, size 7 pants. maybe one will fit if I’m lucky. What the hell is that. Why can’t you just measure your pants like men, inches around, and the height. It’s literally that easy.  As a girl with thick thighs, I go through jeans quickly because the friction wears out the thighs of my pants, so I dread having to go pants shopping because to be able to find pants that fit me right I have to go to a bunch of different stores and take 20 pairs into the dressing rooms and may leave with one, because one size 7 is the size of my thigh, but one has half a foot of extra pant leg, and I don’t have the time to hem that. So more times than not, I’m wearing shorts with leggings underneath just to avoid shopping.

Why do all your bikinis have to show less than my underwear. As a girl who spent most of her life being made fun of for her size, so trying to ease my way into being more comfortable with my body kind of sucked. It was either a one piece or a super small bikini. There was no middle ground. I tried starting with swim trunks, but that made barely any difference, my boxer briefs cover more than those swim trunks. If a girl wants swim trunk why the hell would you make them booty shorts? There is no reason for that to be the only kind of female swim trunks I find. The pair I wear when working out or walking around a water park, is a small men’s pair.  Would you make all men’s swim trunks into booty shorts, no you make them long. So why not make some long women’s swim trunks?

Those are my main arguments to female clothing companies. I have more less important ones, but those are less important than these. Please take this into consideration.

Yours Truly,

Morgan

Guys don’t like it when girls…

So, as a girl, I am often told what I should and shouldn’t do based on what guys like. I shouldn’t tattoo my legs because Guys like a nice clean pair of legs, not a pair that’s drawn on. I shouldn’t get piercings because Guys don’t really like girls with piercings why ruin a perfect face?  I shouldn’t lift weights because Guys don’t like buff girls. Well I have something to say to all those people who say that. Why the FUCK would I listen to someone who tells me what I should and shouldn’t do based on THEIR preferences. I know plenty of guys who would like me just the same if I got every inch of my skin tattooed. I know plenty of guys who would still like me if I got 100 piercings. I know plenty of guys who would like me if I became a female body builder. The thing is girls don’t like it when you tell them what to do. I know I don’t. It’s like when your parents try and control what you’re going to do with your life. Like I want to be a musician and writer, but my dad is constantly trying to get me to be a doctor. Like WTF I’m 17 years old. When it comes to dealing with these asshats, you need to be bold and sassy. When it comes to guys telling you not to get tattoos here is some of my best comebacks.

What makes you think I’m into guys?

What makes you think I want to date you?

So every single man on this planet hates tattoos?

I don’t give a fuck.

And girls don’t like guys who tell them that they can’t get something because guys don’t like it. 

Sorry guys don’t like personality. 

So I know that this may not help everyone. Some people aren’t as out there as me. You are going to get insulted and attacked based on these comments. They’re going to call you feminist trash. You’re going to get called a bitch and a cunt. I know I have. But those come backs also work with everything else you get told that you shouldn’t do because guys don’t like it. Now for come backs when some one tells you that you SHOULD do something because guys like it. I’m going to use wearing dresses as an example.

Why should I try impress guys I don’t want to impress?

What if I don’t want to impress those kind of guys?

What if I don’t like guys?

Who the hell are you to tell me what I need to do to get a man?

And you need to stop tell girls what to do if you ever want to get a girlfriend. 

I just needed to vent about this because this happened to me earlier when I was working out. I was getting off a stair-master machine and the guy on the treadmill told me he was going to be done in a minute so I told him that I was just going to lift weights. He gave me this really judgmental really? and I replied with Yeah, is there a problem? He said, Guys don’t really like muscly girls. I told him, while flipping him off. Do I look like I give a fuck? 

Band and Solo music

I recently joined a band. I have spent most of my young teen years looking to start a rock band and have a project to not work alone on. Once I stopped looking and accepted the reality I was just going to have to make music on my own, I found my bandmate. She was passionate about music, she was in love with it, almost as much as I am. The thing is, I already started working on my own music, I’ve released 3 EPs, and I met my bandmate. We formed a band rather quickly we didn’t really know each other all that well, we just knew we liked the same music, and we both wanted to make alternative music. The thing is, almost every day she’s checking in on band stuff, meaning I have to make real progress on our band stuff. I’m not upset I swear I’m not. I feel like I am talking about getting my heart broken again haha. I am just saying that it’s hard balancing band work and my work. I love being in the band, but I do wish I had more time to work on both my music and our band’s music.

Finding a Belief

If you don’t know, I grew up being told that religion is stupid, that there was an explanation for everything. My dad has a burning hatred for religion, ever since he was my age, I’m 16. My mom made fun of people who had religion saying that they’re stupid and that they should know better. Well, about a year and a half ago, I met my best friend. Recently he suggested me listen to an Audio book called “You are a Badass” By Jen Sincero. Keep in mind, I’m a very skeptical person, when one of my friends told me she believed in ghosts and could talk to spirits I thought she was joking for the first 15 minutes of the conversation. Well, my best friend, he told me that this book would help me. If you don’t know, I am not the most emotionally sound person. I am better than I was when I first met my best friend, but I’m not perfect, neither is he, but he helps me the best he can. Well, one day, me him and my friend who can speak to spirits were in a group chat, and things happened that made me pissed the fuck off. I was screaming at both of them, Telling one of them they ruined my life while telling the other they wouldn’t understand why I was so pissed off. Afterwards, I told my best friend why I have such a temper, because I don’t know how to handle anger, I used to handle pain by self harm, now I handle it by sharing it with him and writing music about it. I handled Fear by pretending to be a loner to not give a fuck. Anger though, it’s an emotion I used to keep bottled up until I finally would blow. Well, my best friend suggest that book to me. Telling me to listen to it with an open mind. I did, I kept my mind WIDE open. It talked about higher powers, not a god, because god is a bit intimidating. I was skeptical of it, but I listened to what I thought would help me. The stuff about thinking things through before doing something rash. The stuff about saying I want and start saying I will. Well I was dealing with a suicidal friend of mine, they were telling me they wanted to kill themselves because of an injury that wouldn’t allow them to do what they loved. The thing is, they didn’t know that they wouldn’t be able to do the thing they love again… So… without thinking. I told them “If you want positive things to happen, stop being so negative or the Universe won’t give you shit…” Or something like that. I was a bit surprised and I turned to my best friend for help. If you don’t know, my best friend is basically a cooler, hotter, not related parent. Well I was confused, all my life, I was taught believing in something was wrong and ignorant, but I believed in a higher force, Source Energy I guess it’s called. Well, after HOURS of talking. I finally admitted me making fun of people with beliefs was wrong of me, and accepted myself being Agnostic. The reason I’m posting about this today is because I finally started telling my close friends about my change of heart.

You Are a Badass Audio Book

I was a side girl

So, yes it’s true I was a side girl completely aware of the main girl. I do regret it and I do feel guilt, but I’m correcting my ways in the most bad ass way possible. I found out I wasn’t the only side girl. I also found out the other side girl was getting manipulated into not telling his girlfriend. So I involved Mr. Older Best Friend in a group chat with us and we got her to get over him. So we’re going to get evidence of him playing both of us. Then we’re going to tell his GF, and even more so, since I’m a musician, we’re writing a song with him. LMAO. Mr. Older Friend is helping us out on this and I’ll keep you guys updated on what’s going on because this is just too good. This guy is a youtuber, but we’re not going to say his name because he is just a dumb teen and I’m not that salty to ruin his whole career.

Drowning in work

I tend to get this from people who don’t know me really well and don’t know what I do exactly. I get it, I would ask it to if I didn’t know me, but I hate when people do know me really well ask that. Most to all of my close friends know exactly the workload I carry on my shoulders. I run 3 blogs, I have 4 youtube channels, one is for vlogs, one is for music, and I have to write all the music I upload, so I’m writing lyrics, instrumentals, singing, editing, and producing, one channel I’m reading fanfiction, and one is about standing up against sexual harrasment. One of my blogs I interview bands and give advice on fan stuff and music related stuff, I have this blog that I use to just talk about my life as a 16 year old girl,and the third one is for my standing against sexual harrasment channel. Studying for the GED is hard and time consuming as well. I also have to plan my videos for my vlog channel. Even on my music channel I make vlogs about music related things. I also write fanfiction so I can pitch in on fandoms I’m a part of, like Papa Roach, Hollywood Undead, Gotham, In This Moment, and Icon for Hire. Outside of writing fanfiction, I write my own stories that I hope one day will get published. My best friend has a lot of experience feeling overwhelmed so he likes to help me out with that drowning feeling I sometimes have, but I’m also often tired because I’m always up till 1-3 in the morning writing fanfiction or talking to my friends. Much like how I rely on my best friend to help me out with my emotions, I have a lot of friends I have to help out with their emotions as well.

Clingy Ex

So as you know I kinda tried dating for a week. It didn’t work out and I thought that would be the end of that, we would attempt to be friends again and go on with our lives. Well he decided that being just friends wasn’t good enough. He kept saying how he was going out of town and how he would like to make out with me before he leaved. I told him now, but no didn’t get through to him, he kept begging. Then he turned to my best friend. (The grown up friend) and asked him to get me to go back out with him again. My friend told me that I should try and get a restraining order against him because there is another reason why I left him. His ex contacted me and told me her horror story. How he would threaten her friends like he did mine and how her best friend was so scared she tried to kill himself. So I knew right then he was a crazy guy. Let’s not forget about how he brags about being crazy like the Riddler from the show Gotham. Like it’s not cool or attractive to be crazy. He tries talking to me pretending to be his cousin and he has lied about not having certain kinds of foods like Slurpees, Milkshakes, Pizza,he said he never had fries and I witnessed him the day before eating fries. So that’s the horror right now.

College

I’m 16, if you didn’t know. I’m homeschooled and I plan on taking my GED soon. Meaning, after I take my GED, then comes college. I know what I want to do. Film/Photography and Music Production. The thing is, I don’t know where I want to go to school at, I don’t even know how to pick a school I want to go to. I mean, I know the friends I want to move closer to. I know that I want to either go to Canada or Belgium. The thing is, I can’t exactly talk to my parents about wanting to go to school in a different country. The reason why I want to go to Canada is because my best friend lives there and I would give anything to be closer to him, but also if I go to Belgium, I am going to be closer to a really hot guy who I might want to start a relationship with. The thing is, I know that if it came down to going to Canada or Belgium, I would pick Canada, because besties before… I don’t know where that was going, but being with my best friend is important to me. But then it comes down to, adulting. I don’t plan on going to a REAL college until I’m 18, because let’s face it, homeschool students are judged way more harshly than Public school students. I get why, what if the teacher/parent swings a grade because they’re their kid. So I want to go to community college before I move away. But then comes the REAL college part. I’ll have to adult, on my own. Like without my parents, which lets face it I would probably be way happier without them, but at least they gave me a sense of security. Going to a real college, I’m on my own to fend for myself against the wild. I don’t know what I was getting at, I guess I was just venting. Well that’s it.

Before I grow up…

I have a list. It’s called things I want to do before I grow up. People think it’s things to do before I turn 18-20. Before I physically am an adult. A lot of the things I can’t do until I’m 18, like go to every country or visit some of my friends, like I have a friend in Scotland who I want to meet, not just because he’s an awesome friend, but he also has the full version of the unreleased game “Silent Hill P.T.”… Such a good friend I am. I have a friend in Netherlands who is an amazing musician and always has my back and has made me instrumentals. I have a friend who I am in love with in Canada. I have several friends in Australia. So I have to be at least 18 to go to all those places, but what I mean when I say Things to do before I grow up, I mean things to do before I settle down, before I think about marriage, before I think about kids even though kids are just demons. I want to be able to have a full life. I don’t want to live a life full of, I should have done this or that. I also don’t know when I’m going to die. My friend said, the only guarantee is today. So I want to start living by that, I don’t want my anxiety to hold me back from things like Sky diving, or bungee jumping or jumping off a cliff into a lake. I just want to live and share those moments with my friends, be it 10 miles away, or 10,000 miles away. I started thinking about this once I started reading this book called “The Fuck it List”. It is about a girl who has cancer and she gives her bucket list to her friend to complete all the things for her. I realized I didn’t know when I was going to die, or how, or if I’ll get cancer or anything like that. So I wanted to have as full of a life as I can. Do any of you have a Fuck it List?