I recently joined a band. I have spent most of my young teen years looking to start a rock band and have a project to not work alone on. Once I stopped looking and accepted the reality I was just going to have to make music on my own, I found my bandmate. She was passionate about music, she was in love with it, almost as much as I am. The thing is, I already started working on my own music, I’ve released 3 EPs, and I met my bandmate. We formed a band rather quickly we didn’t really know each other all that well, we just knew we liked the same music, and we both wanted to make alternative music. The thing is, almost every day she’s checking in on band stuff, meaning I have to make real progress on our band stuff. I’m not upset I swear I’m not. I feel like I am talking about getting my heart broken again haha. I am just saying that it’s hard balancing band work and my work. I love being in the band, but I do wish I had more time to work on both my music and our band’s music.
If you don’t know, I grew up being told that religion is stupid, that there was an explanation for everything. My dad has a burning hatred for religion, ever since he was my age, I’m 16. My mom made fun of people who had religion saying that they’re stupid and that they should know better. Well, about a year and a half ago, I met my best friend. Recently he suggested me listen to an Audio book called “You are a Badass” By Jen Sincero. Keep in mind, I’m a very skeptical person, when one of my friends told me she believed in ghosts and could talk to spirits I thought she was joking for the first 15 minutes of the conversation. Well, my best friend, he told me that this book would help me. If you don’t know, I am not the most emotionally sound person. I am better than I was when I first met my best friend, but I’m not perfect, neither is he, but he helps me the best he can. Well, one day, me him and my friend who can speak to spirits were in a group chat, and things happened that made me pissed the fuck off. I was screaming at both of them, Telling one of them they ruined my life while telling the other they wouldn’t understand why I was so pissed off. Afterwards, I told my best friend why I have such a temper, because I don’t know how to handle anger, I used to handle pain by self harm, now I handle it by sharing it with him and writing music about it. I handled Fear by pretending to be a loner to not give a fuck. Anger though, it’s an emotion I used to keep bottled up until I finally would blow. Well, my best friend suggest that book to me. Telling me to listen to it with an open mind. I did, I kept my mind WIDE open. It talked about higher powers, not a god, because god is a bit intimidating. I was skeptical of it, but I listened to what I thought would help me. The stuff about thinking things through before doing something rash. The stuff about saying I want and start saying I will. Well I was dealing with a suicidal friend of mine, they were telling me they wanted to kill themselves because of an injury that wouldn’t allow them to do what they loved. The thing is, they didn’t know that they wouldn’t be able to do the thing they love again… So… without thinking. I told them “If you want positive things to happen, stop being so negative or the Universe won’t give you shit…” Or something like that. I was a bit surprised and I turned to my best friend for help. If you don’t know, my best friend is basically a cooler, hotter, not related parent. Well I was confused, all my life, I was taught believing in something was wrong and ignorant, but I believed in a higher force, Source Energy I guess it’s called. Well, after HOURS of talking. I finally admitted me making fun of people with beliefs was wrong of me, and accepted myself being Agnostic. The reason I’m posting about this today is because I finally started telling my close friends about my change of heart.
So, yes it’s true I was a side girl completely aware of the main girl. I do regret it and I do feel guilt, but I’m correcting my ways in the most bad ass way possible. I found out I wasn’t the only side girl. I also found out the other side girl was getting manipulated into not telling his girlfriend. So I involved Mr. Older Best Friend in a group chat with us and we got her to get over him. So we’re going to get evidence of him playing both of us. Then we’re going to tell his GF, and even more so, since I’m a musician, we’re writing a song with him. LMAO. Mr. Older Friend is helping us out on this and I’ll keep you guys updated on what’s going on because this is just too good. This guy is a youtuber, but we’re not going to say his name because he is just a dumb teen and I’m not that salty to ruin his whole career.
I tend to get this from people who don’t know me really well and don’t know what I do exactly. I get it, I would ask it to if I didn’t know me, but I hate when people do know me really well ask that. Most to all of my close friends know exactly the workload I carry on my shoulders. I run 3 blogs, I have 4 youtube channels, one is for vlogs, one is for music, and I have to write all the music I upload, so I’m writing lyrics, instrumentals, singing, editing, and producing, one channel I’m reading fanfiction, and one is about standing up against sexual harrasment. One of my blogs I interview bands and give advice on fan stuff and music related stuff, I have this blog that I use to just talk about my life as a 16 year old girl,and the third one is for my standing against sexual harrasment channel. Studying for the GED is hard and time consuming as well. I also have to plan my videos for my vlog channel. Even on my music channel I make vlogs about music related things. I also write fanfiction so I can pitch in on fandoms I’m a part of, like Papa Roach, Hollywood Undead, Gotham, In This Moment, and Icon for Hire. Outside of writing fanfiction, I write my own stories that I hope one day will get published. My best friend has a lot of experience feeling overwhelmed so he likes to help me out with that drowning feeling I sometimes have, but I’m also often tired because I’m always up till 1-3 in the morning writing fanfiction or talking to my friends. Much like how I rely on my best friend to help me out with my emotions, I have a lot of friends I have to help out with their emotions as well.
So as you know I kinda tried dating for a week. It didn’t work out and I thought that would be the end of that, we would attempt to be friends again and go on with our lives. Well he decided that being just friends wasn’t good enough. He kept saying how he was going out of town and how he would like to make out with me before he leaved. I told him now, but no didn’t get through to him, he kept begging. Then he turned to my best friend. (The grown up friend) and asked him to get me to go back out with him again. My friend told me that I should try and get a restraining order against him because there is another reason why I left him. His ex contacted me and told me her horror story. How he would threaten her friends like he did mine and how her best friend was so scared she tried to kill himself. So I knew right then he was a crazy guy. Let’s not forget about how he brags about being crazy like the Riddler from the show Gotham. Like it’s not cool or attractive to be crazy. He tries talking to me pretending to be his cousin and he has lied about not having certain kinds of foods like Slurpees, Milkshakes, Pizza,he said he never had fries and I witnessed him the day before eating fries. So that’s the horror right now.
I’m 16, if you didn’t know. I’m homeschooled and I plan on taking my GED soon. Meaning, after I take my GED, then comes college. I know what I want to do. Film/Photography and Music Production. The thing is, I don’t know where I want to go to school at, I don’t even know how to pick a school I want to go to. I mean, I know the friends I want to move closer to. I know that I want to either go to Canada or Belgium. The thing is, I can’t exactly talk to my parents about wanting to go to school in a different country. The reason why I want to go to Canada is because my best friend lives there and I would give anything to be closer to him, but also if I go to Belgium, I am going to be closer to a really hot guy who I might want to start a relationship with. The thing is, I know that if it came down to going to Canada or Belgium, I would pick Canada, because besties before… I don’t know where that was going, but being with my best friend is important to me. But then it comes down to, adulting. I don’t plan on going to a REAL college until I’m 18, because let’s face it, homeschool students are judged way more harshly than Public school students. I get why, what if the teacher/parent swings a grade because they’re their kid. So I want to go to community college before I move away. But then comes the REAL college part. I’ll have to adult, on my own. Like without my parents, which lets face it I would probably be way happier without them, but at least they gave me a sense of security. Going to a real college, I’m on my own to fend for myself against the wild. I don’t know what I was getting at, I guess I was just venting. Well that’s it.
I have a list. It’s called things I want to do before I grow up. People think it’s things to do before I turn 18-20. Before I physically am an adult. A lot of the things I can’t do until I’m 18, like go to every country or visit some of my friends, like I have a friend in Scotland who I want to meet, not just because he’s an awesome friend, but he also has the full version of the unreleased game “Silent Hill P.T.”… Such a good friend I am. I have a friend in Netherlands who is an amazing musician and always has my back and has made me instrumentals. I have a friend who I am in love with in Canada. I have several friends in Australia. So I have to be at least 18 to go to all those places, but what I mean when I say Things to do before I grow up, I mean things to do before I settle down, before I think about marriage, before I think about kids even though kids are just demons. I want to be able to have a full life. I don’t want to live a life full of, I should have done this or that. I also don’t know when I’m going to die. My friend said, the only guarantee is today. So I want to start living by that, I don’t want my anxiety to hold me back from things like Sky diving, or bungee jumping or jumping off a cliff into a lake. I just want to live and share those moments with my friends, be it 10 miles away, or 10,000 miles away. I started thinking about this once I started reading this book called “The Fuck it List”. It is about a girl who has cancer and she gives her bucket list to her friend to complete all the things for her. I realized I didn’t know when I was going to die, or how, or if I’ll get cancer or anything like that. So I wanted to have as full of a life as I can. Do any of you have a Fuck it List?
So I recently started making friends my age offline. Which is shocking I know, but I discovered two of my friends like me. They will remained unnamed, but I was telling my internet friend that one of them actually asked me out. This is the same internet friend I am madly in love with. He told me I should try dating and that it was an important part of a teenagers life. So I said yes, keep in mind this dude and I only had a love for super heroes and super hero movies. I didn’t really enjoy the constant check ups, and desires to video chat. So I talked to a trusted adult, one of the people who works in the teen center at my local library, he told me I DIDN’T HAVE TO date. It was a relief because my online friend and some of my real life friends were putting pressure on me to date. Which I hated. There were other things, I am a serial flirt, I like to flirt with my attractive friends, and when it comes to my internet friends, they are all attractive in their own ways, so I tend to flirt with the single ones. Some of them goes farther than flirting. I didn’t like not being able to do that, so I broke up with my boyfriend. He understood and wanted to continue to be friends. One of my female real life friends were quick to set me up with another guy who was into poly relationships, if you don’t know what a poly relationship is, it’s when you two date, but you can date others too. So that would mean that guy was cool with my flirting habits. I realized I just didn’t want to date in general unless it’s with a girl, because as most of you know who follow my blog I’m a bisexual girl. I find myself more willing to enter relationships with girls even though I haven’t met any openly bi, lesbian, or pan girls.
If you guys don’t know me and my best friend are very far apart. I know people like to say internet friendship isn’t a real friendship, but it is. I met my best friend a year and almost a half ago. He and I live in 2 different countries and to add onto that our age gap is of 20 years. So let’s just say, when I can travel alone, he will probably be too busy for a real meet up, besides for coffee or something, yes I’m 16, yes I have a coffee addiction already, deal with it. I used to love coffee, then hate it, now I love it again. Anyways, that’s not what I wanted to talk about… My internet friendship is the most real friendship I ever had. We may be hundreds of miles apart, but he still changed me, he is continuing to change me into a better, happier person. People say internet friendship isn’t real, well, to people who understand it, the distance between people doesn’t mean anything, it’s the emotional connection between the people that matter, and I’ve had a stronger emotional connection with my best friend than anyone else in my life, online or not. He has cared more about me than any other friend in my life and he has pushed me to fight my depression, to fight my anxiety, to fight ever negative part of my life. All the while dealing with the stresses of real life. I just wanted to brag about my best friend again, sorry if you guys are sick about hearing about my amazing friend, actually no I’m not, I love his face! Well there you are more bragging about my best friend, I hope you all have a great day.
I know I don’t usually do movie reviews because I kind of suck at the whole reviewing thing, but I do want to review this movie. It was kind of really awesome in my opinion. It got a lot of bad reviews, but I don’t know why. I think this is one of the better space movies. Not as good as Event Horizon, but still pretty good. I’m not sure if you guys are aware of the game Prey, but basically in a summary there are these alien organisms. They evolve quickly into more advanced versions of themselves, more lethal. Well the Alien in life gave me a lot of Prey vibes. It looks exactly like the Typhon from Prey. I’ll show you the comparison.
See! Don’t they look similar??? Anyways, I got real prey vibes from the Alien. I really enjoyed the movie outside the fact I kept thinking about Prey. It was suspenseful the whole time. I liked how they kept making smart moves too. Well Rory (Ryan Reynolds character) made a very stupid move, but without that stupid move there would be no movie, but outside that stupid move they made great choices, and for me it’s really rare to see good choices in movies. You always see the basic cliches and you didn’t really see those in life. I was always on the edge of my seat and bouncing around because I was so into the movie. I loved the graphicness of the movie too. When the alien crawled down Rory’s throat I was gagging. I loved how they kept it going even after he died. I loved the twist at the end, even thought it’s obvious they were setting it up for a possible sequel. Where the alien makes it to earth and the girl who was supposed to survive gets hurled into the nothingness of space. I do think that last choices were really dumb, even though they were going to reenter the earths atmosphere, the alien had a chance not to survive, and they decided not to take that risk. Like they were saying throughout the entire movie the alien needs food, water, and oxygen to survive, meaning that it was actually very likely the alien wouldn’t have survived, even if it can store oxygen. Because it’s possible that with the reentry of the shuttle, the fire would basically burn anything living or remotely flammable to ash. So taking the shuttles was a horrible idea, but over all I do love this movie I actually want to own the movie.