This isn’t a religious post, don’t worry… This is a post about how much my life has changed and improved since I left public school, which was my hell for a very long time. I’ll start from the beginning, even when I was a little kid I was bullied heavily, in elementary school there used to be a game called “The Morgan Touch”. No one would talk to me or touch me, I only had one friend at it was an abusive friend too, if I said anything she didn’t like she would hit me and yell at me. Fast forward to middle school, I saw this as a chance to reinvent myself, finally be one of the cool kids, obviously it failed and I was labeled a freak there too. At the first middle school I was “Emo” I dyed my hair black, wore all black and wore skulls and stuff like that. Soon, the bullying got so bad I had to leave that middle school and go to a different one. I dyed my hair back to blonde and once more tried to make friends again, a few weeks into the school year I only had about 3 friends and I came out as Bisexual to the whole school, which I see now was a terrible idea.I got picked on for minor things at first, the way I dressed and the way my hair was cut. The next year really brought me down, I got my hair cut even shorter and I made a habit of wearing baggy clothes to downplay the fact I was a girl, at that time in my life I thought maybe I was transgender. People would call me things like Tranny, fag, emo, cutter, freak, goth, lesbo, whore, it really stung, and people from my previous middle school came to my new middle school. My grandma was always comparing me to other girls too, at that time my acne was way worse than it is now. I hated everything about myself. I resorted to stress eating, eating made me feel happy, my grandma never helped either, she always tried to get me to wear dresses and clothes I hated, to use 18 kinds of acne creams that the possible side effects are worse than the acne itself. She tried getting me to wear make up I hated. She was obsessed with making me a popular girl. So she helped add the self hatred. I began to gain a lot of weight and things kept getting worse, the bullying kept getting worse, my emotional state was just survive. I would try and fake being sick so I wouldn’t have to go to school, my grades suffered too. Finally my mom was sick of the pain I was facing and removed me from the school, I stopped eating as much and I began to lose a lot of the weight I gained, the things is, when you gain a lot of weight then lose it really fast you develop stretch marks making me hate my body anymore, making me hate myself even more than I already did. My grandma was still there pressuring me to be a girl I wasn’t I hated the girl I saw in the mirror, I hated seeing myself naked and the idea that maybe I felt so much hatred towards my body was because deep down I was a boy, my grandma kept saying how girls do this and that, and I didn’t feel comfortable with it, so if I didn’t like that I must not be a girl. For a long time I felt that hatred towards myself towards my body…

That’s all for this part, this is a two part story so stay tuned for part two. Please like and comment on this blog post and feel free to browse.

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