When you look at someone who says they’re ugly, that there is nothing beautiful about them, don’t always assume they’re fishing for compliments, some people who you think are beautiful truly do believe that. For me, I spent a lot of my life hating who I saw in the mirror, even now there are days where I look in the mirror and hate the girl I see and my friends tell me how beautiful I am. Being a public face (having a youtube channel, running several blogs, being on social media…) I get a lot of hate based on my look. Saying don’t let it get to you doesn’t help, because it already has… In public school I was getting torn apart for how I looked, I had shoulder length, ratty blonde hair, I dressed like a boy because I was so uncomfortable with having a feminine physique, and I never wore make up. All my life I’ve basically been told “YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH” by the other kids. In turn I believed it. If so many people thought I was ugly, thought I wasn’t pretty enough, then I mustn’t be pretty enough. In middle school it was so much worse, I had depression and dealt with it by eating food and that caused me to get slightly overweight making me hate myself even more. Friends and Family told me that I was beautiful. The thing is, just like how people want insults to bounce back and you believe you’re beautiful, it goes the other way too, I hated myself so much, when people said I was beautiful, it went in one ear and out the other. My grandma didn’t help, she was telling me that I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t subscribe want to be a frilly preppy girly girl. Even when I hated myself I didn’t want that for myself. Eventually I was taken out of that toxic environment but still I hated myself. I didn’t start going out of my way to look pretty to me until one day I showed up to karate and saw a hot guy, then I started wearing dresses and clothes I actually thought I looked good in, I wore make up, I did my hair in a cute way. I began to notice, I was slowly getting happier with how I looked, I began to try different hair styles and different make up styles, I began to customize my clothes and the more I did to look like my idles the happier I got… That’s what self hatred is from the inside though. I hope you think about this when you’re trying to help your depressed friends.


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