Hey, if you think I’m going to talk about what apps are best for what, you’re wrong, I am looking for fashion apps to post outfits on and get points for the outfits and eventually get rewards with those points. I know they exist I just don’t know the names, so please comment the names of those kind of apps please.
This isn’t a religious post, don’t worry… This is a post about how much my life has changed and improved since I left public school, which was my hell for a very long time. I’ll start from the beginning, even when I was a little kid I was bullied heavily, in elementary school there used to be a game called “The Morgan Touch”. No one would talk to me or touch me, I only had one friend at it was an abusive friend too, if I said anything she didn’t like she would hit me and yell at me. Fast forward to middle school, I saw this as a chance to reinvent myself, finally be one of the cool kids, obviously it failed and I was labeled a freak there too. At the first middle school I was “Emo” I dyed my hair black, wore all black and wore skulls and stuff like that. Soon, the bullying got so bad I had to leave that middle school and go to a different one. I dyed my hair back to blonde and once more tried to make friends again, a few weeks into the school year I only had about 3 friends and I came out as Bisexual to the whole school, which I see now was a terrible idea.I got picked on for minor things at first, the way I dressed and the way my hair was cut. The next year really brought me down, I got my hair cut even shorter and I made a habit of wearing baggy clothes to downplay the fact I was a girl, at that time in my life I thought maybe I was transgender. People would call me things like Tranny, fag, emo, cutter, freak, goth, lesbo, whore, it really stung, and people from my previous middle school came to my new middle school. My grandma was always comparing me to other girls too, at that time my acne was way worse than it is now. I hated everything about myself. I resorted to stress eating, eating made me feel happy, my grandma never helped either, she always tried to get me to wear dresses and clothes I hated, to use 18 kinds of acne creams that the possible side effects are worse than the acne itself. She tried getting me to wear make up I hated. She was obsessed with making me a popular girl. So she helped add the self hatred. I began to gain a lot of weight and things kept getting worse, the bullying kept getting worse, my emotional state was just survive. I would try and fake being sick so I wouldn’t have to go to school, my grades suffered too. Finally my mom was sick of the pain I was facing and removed me from the school, I stopped eating as much and I began to lose a lot of the weight I gained, the things is, when you gain a lot of weight then lose it really fast you develop stretch marks making me hate my body anymore, making me hate myself even more than I already did. My grandma was still there pressuring me to be a girl I wasn’t I hated the girl I saw in the mirror, I hated seeing myself naked and the idea that maybe I felt so much hatred towards my body was because deep down I was a boy, my grandma kept saying how girls do this and that, and I didn’t feel comfortable with it, so if I didn’t like that I must not be a girl. For a long time I felt that hatred towards myself towards my body…
That’s all for this part, this is a two part story so stay tuned for part two. Please like and comment on this blog post and feel free to browse.
So recently,by recently I mean yesterday, I rode my bike for several miles with my parents. My friend was proud of me, it’s the same friend I always talk about, but if you’re new to this blog then you may not know who I am talking about, he’s my best friend and he is awesome in every way, but any who, he was really proud of me and it made me want to get in shape, start to work out, the thing is, it hurts, your muscles ache and you just want to die. That’s what I hate, I hate the feeling of. “Hey I want to die everything hurts please kill me.” I used to work out every day, I only focused on my abs and upper body, and my butt, because those are the only things I really don’t like about my physical body as of right now. Getting healthy is hard. Especially when you don’t have anyone to work out with. I work out all alone so no one is really pushing me to do more. Praise from my friend does make it easier but here’s a few things I learned about trying to get healthy.
1.) Work out before breakfast
Working out before breakfast burns more fat and stuff like that… I took that from my OTHER friend’s book, my other friend is a karate dude so yeah. Plus breakfast is kind of like a reward, you’re telling yourself “Congrats, you made your muscles hate you but here’s food so you can continue to make your muscles hate you.”
2.)Listen to music
Music helps get you pumped, it also helps you block out the pain. It gives you something else to focus on when your muscles are burning. Like the lyrics to your favorite song or that amazing beat drop in “Born for Greatness” by Papa Roach. (Notice that sly placement of my favorite song and band)
That’s all I really have, I’m SOOO helpful (Notice the sarcasm)
Hey guys, I wanted to talk about a topic I discovered about a month ago, I am not going to mention the band, I’m not going to mention the singer, I’m not going to say the names of anyone who said this to me, I don’t want anyone to attack anyone else because unlike the band I actually don’t want people to be bullied. The things is, I made a comment because the lead singer is selling a book and saying that she is doing “Just for you, because I want to help you not make the mistakes…” She made. She was selling it under the guise of being charitable. I said if she wanted to be charitable that she would make it a youtube series or make a blog post about it. The ENTIRE FANDOM attacked me, and began to bring up things that wasn’t even relevant to the argument. They claim to be anti bullying but it’s okay if they’re bullying someone who questioned their morals. So I decided I hated her and her band mates, the weird thing is, I love their music, I love her channel, but I hate everything about them.
If you’re like me, you hate the outdoors, it requires so much work, you have to talk to people, you have to seem pleasant, you have to get up from your bed. My parents don’t really give me crap for it because they know I am still productive but not in the active way, because GOD do I hate working out. I do have people on the internet telling me that I am inside too much and some people who tell me that, I know are saying it because they care. Nonetheless the phrase still get’s under my skin. People act like being inside so much is a bad thing, it’s really not. I’m not saying quit your job and be a shut in, because I don’t think I could handle that, but maybe it should be more acceptable to just sit in bed and drink Cherry coke, if you’re being productive that is. I run 3 blogs, write music. run a youtube channel, and write. I mean, if you’re inside all day only playing video games and not trying to contribute to your future at all then you need to fix yo self, but if you’re inside, doing something productive, that YOU love, then sure stay in all day.
Moving sucks whether you’re old, young, teenager, it plain just sucks. I just moved and I hated it. This is why moving sucks…
Packing sucks because you have to think about “Will I wear this before we move?” “Will I use this?” “Will I read this before I move?” Then if you say no and pack it up, you’re screwed.
2.) Loading the Truck
This isn’t the worst, but it totally sucks when the truck is too small. That happened when me and my parents moved. My dad and I were up till 3 loading up the car. That really sucked.
3.) Unfamiliar Land
When you first move, it’s almost unreal. Especially when you live in a high rise like me, it almost feels like you’re staying in a fancy hotel, the kitchen isn’t yours, you don’t know how to work anything, and everyone is oddly nice to me.
4.) Home Sickness
I got home sick really bad. I didn’t have my own room, I didn’t know anyone, no one knew me. The house was set up completely different, we mostly had new furniture. We got new bed clothes too.
5.) Shutting The Door
This was the hardest thing for me. I cried when we shut the door for the last time. It’s really emotional, it’s like shutting the door on a part of your life.
That’s everything I have chosen, tell me what you hate about moving in the comments.
I auditioned for a bands called From Ashes to New. I’m not going to be talking about the band itself. I am talking about the audition process. I had to make a YouTube video and email them. Recording the video made me really nervous. I wanted to seem bold and confident. Then I wanted to sound the best I could. After I sent the email I had a lot of anxiety. I was worried about what they would think and whether or not I would make it in. The anxiety isn’t just the worst of it.You watch and see other people audition. Some are most likely better, then you have two choices. Be a jerk or be supportive, of course I was supportive, but I am a minority in this. I’m 16 and a girl, the only part of me that fits in that band is my unicorn hair. My friends are supporting me, but I still get nervous about it.
So if you guys didn’t know, my best friend is 20 years older than me. So being 16 with a 36 year old best friend can be… unique at times. Sadly he hand I don’t hang out in real life, we live to at apart, but still you get people dissing him and you. “He’s just a creep, he wants to have sex with you.” Which he doesn’t. At least while I am still 16. He has kids, I doubt he’d risk losing them. Anywhoooos! Another thing you get blessed with is them knowing if what you’re doing is stupid. I am the Queen of doing stupid stuff, some of the things aren’t as bad as others but still stupid as a whole. Another thing older friends are good at, they know teenager problems and they know how to help those issues, including depression. My friend has helped a lot with my depression. Having an older friend that knows what’s going on helps.
My friend told me he loved me. Not the smoochy smoochy love. Like the way you love a friend. It made me really happy. I realized that the L word was a lil over do on my part. So here is what you need to ask yourself if you start thinking about telling your best friend you love em.
1.) Can I trust this person with my secrets?
2.) Has this person been there when I needed them to be there?
3.) Do I worry about this person even when they say I don’t need to worry?
4.) Do I know about their dark parts?
5.) Would I tell them anything?
6.) Do I check on them often?
If you answered yes to most or all of them then drop the L bomb on em… just make sure you make it clear what kinda l bomb it is.
I’m a fairly geeky girl when it comes to video games. Gaming is one of my favorite hobbies, mainly because I get to escape reality and I am all about that. There are 3 games I am obsessed with, Left for Dead, Life is Strange, and Gears of War. When it comes to those games I know all the characters, I know their back stories, and I can promise you I spent at least 100 hours in each game. I pay more attention to video games then things I need to know, like Math. There comes a moment where you realize you want all the merchandise for that game. Then you go look at merchandise you can’t have because you’re 16 and looking for a job, I HATE BEING A TEEN. What games are you obsessed with?