Not wanting a boyfriend…

So I recently started making friends my age offline. Which is shocking I know, but I discovered two of my friends like me. They will remained unnamed, but I was telling my internet friend that one of them actually asked me out. This is the same internet friend I am madly in love with. He told me I should try dating and that it was an important part of a teenagers life. So I said yes, keep in mind this dude and I only had a love for super heroes and super hero movies. I didn’t really enjoy the constant check ups, and desires to video chat. So I talked to a trusted adult, one of the people who works in the teen center at my local library, he told me I DIDN’T HAVE TO date. It was a relief because my online friend and some of my real life friends were putting pressure on me to date. Which I hated. There were other things, I am a serial flirt, I like to flirt with my attractive friends, and when it comes to my internet friends, they are all attractive in their own ways, so I tend to flirt with the single ones. Some of them goes farther than flirting. I didn’t like not being able to do that, so I broke up with my boyfriend. He understood and wanted to continue to be friends. One of my female real life friends were quick to set me up with another guy who was into poly relationships, if you don’t know what a poly relationship is, it’s when you two date, but you can date others too. So that would mean that guy was cool with my flirting habits. I realized I just didn’t want to date in general unless it’s with a girl, because as most of you know who follow my blog I’m a bisexual girl. I find myself more willing to enter relationships with girls even though I haven’t met any openly bi, lesbian, or pan girls.


Miles Apart

If you guys don’t know me and my best friend are very far apart. I know people like to say internet friendship isn’t a real friendship, but it is. I met my best friend a year and almost a half ago. He and I live in 2 different countries and to add onto that our age gap is of 20 years. So let’s just say, when I can travel alone, he will probably be too busy for a real meet up, besides for coffee or something, yes I’m 16, yes I have a coffee addiction already, deal with it. I used to love coffee, then hate it, now I love it again. Anyways, that’s not what I wanted to talk about… My internet friendship is the most real friendship I ever had. We may be hundreds of miles apart, but he still changed me, he is continuing to change me into a better, happier person. People say internet friendship isn’t real, well, to people who understand it, the distance between people doesn’t mean anything, it’s the emotional connection between the people that matter, and I’ve had a stronger emotional connection with my best friend than anyone else in my life, online or not. He has cared more about me than any other friend in my life and he has pushed me to fight my depression, to fight my anxiety, to fight ever negative part of my life. All the while dealing with the stresses of real life. I just wanted to brag about my best friend again, sorry if you guys are sick about hearing about my amazing friend, actually no I’m not, I love his face! Well there you are more bragging about my best friend, I hope you all have a great day.

Life (The Movie)

I know I don’t usually do movie reviews because I kind of suck at the whole reviewing thing, but I do want to review this movie. It was kind of really awesome in my opinion. It got a lot of bad reviews, but I don’t know why. I think this is one of the better space movies. Not as good as Event Horizon, but still pretty good. I’m not sure if you guys are aware of the game Prey, but basically in a summary there are these alien organisms. They evolve quickly into more advanced versions of themselves, more lethal. Well the Alien in life gave me a lot of Prey vibes. It looks exactly like the Typhon from Prey. I’ll show you the comparison.
See! Don’t they look similar??? Anyways, I got real prey vibes from the Alien. I really enjoyed the movie outside the fact I kept thinking about Prey. It was suspenseful the whole time. I liked how they kept making smart moves too. Well Rory (Ryan Reynolds character) made a very stupid move, but without that stupid move there would be no movie, but outside that stupid move they made great choices, and for me it’s really rare to see good choices in movies. You always see the basic cliches and you didn’t really see those in life. I was always on the edge of my seat and bouncing around because I was so into the movie. I loved the graphicness of the movie too. When the alien crawled down Rory’s throat I was gagging. I loved how they kept it going even after he died. I loved the twist at the end, even thought it’s obvious they were setting it up for a possible sequel. Where the alien makes it to earth and the girl who was supposed to survive gets hurled into the nothingness of space. I do think that last choices were really dumb, even though they were going to reenter the earths atmosphere, the alien had a chance not to survive, and they decided not to take that risk. Like they were saying throughout the entire movie the alien needs food, water, and oxygen to survive, meaning that it was actually very likely the alien wouldn’t have survived, even if it can store oxygen. Because it’s possible that with the reentry of the shuttle, the fire would basically burn anything living or remotely flammable to ash. So taking the shuttles was a horrible idea, but over all I do love this movie I actually want to own the movie.

New Friends

If you guys don’t know I used to live in an area where people didn’t exactly treat me well, even people who considered themselves my friends weren’t kind to me. I recently moved right outside a large city. For a while I shut myself off from the outside world. I kind of was a hermit, as my best friend put it. He pushed me to go out and I began to hang out with people and talk to the people I met online. I realized that the friends I had were not even friends. The people I met were so kind and sweet and caring. They worry about my anxiety that tends to control my emotions. One of them talked to me about their anxiety. It was really nice and for once I felt loved by some one in person, of course I love my internet friends, but I can’t hug them. I will keep you updated on my friends.

The Benefits of having adult friends.

So as some or all of you know, I’m 16, and my best friend is a 36 year old man. But that’s not the only adult friend I have. I have quite a few adult friends. They come in handy because they’re your friends, not your parents. What I mean by that is, you can tell them things you wouldn’t tell your parents and they’ll give you advice that someone the age of your parents would give. So you have the wiseness of a parent but the comfort and safety of a friend. Here’s a list of things you can talk about with your adult friend.

1.) Why your parents do certain things.

As a teenager, I often don’t really get why my parents do certain things. So talking to my adult friends who are also parents, it can help me get a clearer view of what they’re going through.

2.) Sex

Being a teenager you start to discover things about yourself, and you start thinking about dirty things and want to do dirty things. Some people like myself aren’t super close with their parents. So talking to your parents about sex and protection is something that isn’t really possible. Talking to your adult friends you can get a realistic basic knowledge on protection.

3.) sexuality

If you’re like me it took you a while to come out to your parents if you’re a part of the LGBTQ+ community. It was really helpful talking to my friends who were parents and were adults about my sexuality and to help me feel it out. For a while I was confused about how I was feeling and I found I was bisexual.

That’s just some of what you can talk to your adult friends about. I hope this helped. Of course I mean adult friends you can trust, I don’t talking to adult friends about personal things until I’ve known them for a while.

Sending fan fiction to my idles.

I have written a lot of fan fiction, too many to count. I have written over 100 stories. Some have been removed because of other fellow fan girls accused me of invading the privacy of the people I write about. Well, Recently I got an instagram account specifically for my fangirling nature and posted fanfiction links on it. I didn’t stop there.I sent the fanfiction links to the people they’re about. So I sent Jacoby Shaddix fan fiction to Jacoby. I sent Anthony Esperance Fan Fiction to Anthony, so on and so forth. And some of them actually respond.

Why I disappeared…

Sorry I disappeared on you guys. I didn’t mean to. I just felt a little, sad. I didn’t feel like doing my blogs anymore but I am planning on writing for them again. You’ll get a lot of juicy tales and you will get to experience more of my awkwardness. So be ready to get hit hard by awkwardness.

Why PE Requirements are Bull

Hey guys, I’m going to be talking about the one of the classes I hated with a passion… PE aka Physical Education. I absolutely hated this class, I was a girl who enjoyed drawing and gaming, running and having my boobs bounce around was not something I enjoyed, and even with a sports bra they bounced so don’t say “You should have worn a sports bra.” This isn’t about why I hate this class, but this is about why what they “teach” Is a load of bull. In PE you have to participate in a various sports and physical activities. I don’t have an issue with the running, push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, and so on. I have an issue with the fact they force kids to play sports that some people hate. I don’t give a crap about basket ball, knowing the specifics on how it works won’t help me in the future, I don’t care about volley ball or dodge ball or kick ball, that is what’s bull. I have never once played any of those sports outside of when the school forced me to play them for a grade. Those sports don’t help me. I was talking to a person online and I mentioned that they should teach self defense. Self defense could actually help kids in the future, unlike making them play sports they have no interest in, or at least let kids pick what sports they actually want to learn and don’t force them to do something they hate.

Why I love JUBILEE

Everyone knows I love Jubilee, ever since I saw her in X-Men animated series I loved everything about her. I think I liked her so much because how much she was like me, she was an outcast and she was sort of younger than her surrounding people. She loved video games and had a love for soda and junk food. So I felt close to her in that regard. I also loved her style through out the comic books. She always had a skater/ alternative, style about her that I just couldn’t get over. She was seriously the coolest X-Man, seconded by Rogue. I also realized that she and Rogue were my first female crushes (I’m bi). Jubilee also had a closeness with gambit who is another character that I liked. I also admired how willing Jubilee was to help, she just wanted to help her team when they needed her.

Self Hatred from the Inside

When you look at someone who says they’re ugly, that there is nothing beautiful about them, don’t always assume they’re fishing for compliments, some people who you think are beautiful truly do believe that. For me, I spent a lot of my life hating who I saw in the mirror, even now there are days where I look in the mirror and hate the girl I see and my friends tell me how beautiful I am. Being a public face (having a youtube channel, running several blogs, being on social media…) I get a lot of hate based on my look. Saying don’t let it get to you doesn’t help, because it already has… In public school I was getting torn apart for how I looked, I had shoulder length, ratty blonde hair, I dressed like a boy because I was so uncomfortable with having a feminine physique, and I never wore make up. All my life I’ve basically been told “YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH” by the other kids. In turn I believed it. If so many people thought I was ugly, thought I wasn’t pretty enough, then I mustn’t be pretty enough. In middle school it was so much worse, I had depression and dealt with it by eating food and that caused me to get slightly overweight making me hate myself even more. Friends and Family told me that I was beautiful. The thing is, just like how people want insults to bounce back and you believe you’re beautiful, it goes the other way too, I hated myself so much, when people said I was beautiful, it went in one ear and out the other. My grandma didn’t help, she was telling me that I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t subscribe want to be a frilly preppy girly girl. Even when I hated myself I didn’t want that for myself. Eventually I was taken out of that toxic environment but still I hated myself. I didn’t start going out of my way to look pretty to me until one day I showed up to karate and saw a hot guy, then I started wearing dresses and clothes I actually thought I looked good in, I wore make up, I did my hair in a cute way. I began to notice, I was slowly getting happier with how I looked, I began to try different hair styles and different make up styles, I began to customize my clothes and the more I did to look like my idles the happier I got… That’s what self hatred is from the inside though. I hope you think about this when you’re trying to help your depressed friends.